Vile Neighbors: By Vivian Britton
Vile Neighbors
Not Just an Urban MenaceWhen I bought my forty-acre homestead six years ago, the subject of neighbors, let alone bad ones, hardly crossed my mind. After all, forty acres is a good chunk of land - enough to provide a decent barrier between landowners. Fresh from the city, I was green behind the ears, ready and willing to jump in headfirst. When the real estate agent showed me this dream property, I thought I had stumbled upon Shangrila.
The price was right, the acreage pristine, and the home itself was a thing of beauty. The property was not visible from any public road, and very private. To top it all off, there were no neighbors in sight or earshot! This was probably the top selling point for me, and after looking at several other properties, I finally settled on this one.
I was about to discover the wisdom behind that old maxim, "if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is." A few months went by before the awful truth became apparent. A neighbor, I discovered, lived completely off the grid - not something I thought I should be concerned about. Heck, I want to be off-grid some day in my ultimate goal of self-sufficiency.
Then one fateful day, I heard it. As it turned out, the alternative form of energy used to power this neighbor's abode was a generator. A very loud generator. It's sound crossed the border into my property, and carried loud and clear into my bedroom on warm summer nights. When I walked out to the garden to pick tomatoes, it was on. When I stepped out on the balcony to count shooting stars, it was on. When I attempted to listen to coyote song, it was on. Oh, did I mention it was loud?
Now, I think every rural dweller should have backup power. I certainly have enough power outages to justify owning them. But if you're using a generator as your sole source of power, have enough respect for your neighbors to purchase the quietest one you can afford. After all, sound carries disturbingly well in the backwoods.
Eventually the thing broke down due to his constant usage of it, only to be replaced by another. If that wasn't bad enough, this neighbor began collecting large numbers of dogs he allowed to bark at will, run amuck on other people's property, and terrorize wildlife. He somehow found 6am on Sunday morning a fine time for running his dilapidated chainsaw. Later, he took a shining to stealing property off surrounding parcels when he assumed no one was looking. But take it from me, the hills have eyes.
Oddly enough, other neighbors were remiss to confront the nuisance neighbor, or even seek help through regular protocol. Frankly, I expected a little more backbone from my rural brethren. But I was in for another rude awakening. Many of my neighbors were actively involved in the production and use of illegal substances. The last thing they wanted to do was draw any attention to their respective activities. Had the neighbors been willing to form a common front, the problem could have easily been addressed. I asked myself, where would these neighbors be if I really needed help? When you're two hours from the nearest hospital, it's good to know you can depend on at least one neighbor if tragedy strikes. Of course, my civil attempts to plead with the nuisance neighbor resulted in more noise. So, I ended up selling the property and starting over elsewhere. This time, I was forearmed.
Rural communities often have no ordinances, and you may find you have little recourse, short of legal council, if faced with a similar dilemma. If a neighbor wants to turn his property into a 24-hour junkyard operation, he may very well be within his rights. Never mind the fact it will lower your property value, create noise pollution, sully the landscape, and destroy your very reason for moving to the country in the first place. But if you have neighbors with values similar to your own, a nuisance like this can often be curtailed with a simple petition signed by all and presented to the offending party. The key to avoiding bad neighbors in the country is moving into a neighborhood of like-minded individuals. That's why it's imperative the rural wannabee find out everything he can about the demographic of the area he's considering calling home.
In the world of rural real estate, the old maxim, "location, location, location" is often ignored. It shouldn't be. Every community, even in the sticks, has a culture all it's own. Within these communities lie micro-communities, each with its own micro-culture, if you will. The prevailing attitudes and mores of the micro-culture are not always readily apparent.
To illustrate, my county seat was home to a primarily conservative, working-class demographic. But my micro-community within that county was infamous as a haven for the counterculture and those on the wrong side of the law. Infamous to everyone but me, who didn't have the wherewithal to do my homework before buying the property. In some locales, don't expect to be welcomed by rural residents with open arms unless you grew up in the neighborhood or your family has roots there. When I first moved into the house, a neighbor expounded on the phenomenon: "It will take a couple years before people here start really talking to you," he warned. This provincial attitude can make it even more difficult to perform your detective work before you move in. Although, given your personal preferences, you may choose to avoid areas like this altogether. If you choose to proceed, the following tips will help you learn more about your prospective target. Before you waste time traveling to the destination, call the area's police department. Get a deputy or sheriff on the line, and mention some specific street addresses. Does the location seem to have more than it's fair share of illegal substance production? What about burglaries, petty theft, and the like? Have neighbors in the area called in to complain of nuisance activity? If so, were the complaints resolved? If these questions are answered to your satisfaction, it's time to move on to the next step.
While a cursory search through the area's chamber of commerce website may render some general information, don't expect to get the low down here. Their job is to promote the region, not drive people away. No, you'll have to dig a little deeper to get the full scoop.
Bars can be great place to casually solicit information from locals and have a little fun at the same time. Spirits are high, defenses are down, and folks are generally more forthright than usual. But you'll want to make sure you visit a bar that's not in the immediate vicinity of the neighborhood you're interested in.
If you can find a bar that loggers frequent, all the better. Firewood is always in high demand by self-sufficient types, and loggers often sell it as a side job when they're not busy harvesting. They deliver to places UPS wouldn't think of going, and over the years become quite familiar with the prevailing micro-cultures of the remotest communities. They spend just enough time in these locations to render credible information, but not enough to render them biased. Try finding that combination anywhere else.
Visit some local mom-and-pop grocery or antique shops (but again, make sure they are not located in the immediate neighborhood you're investigating). These are often owned and operated by old timers who enjoy sharing their accumulated knowledge. I made the mistake of visiting a small store in the immediate area. These storeowners, of course, had nothing but good things to say about their own little community, and their descriptions got even rosier when a neighbor was within earshot.
Maybe you're not the sociable type, and chatting up drunken loggers at a bar just isn't your cup of tea. It certainly isn't mine. Perhaps suffering through an old timer's hour of drivel to get one good tidbit would drive you up the wall. It would me. And let's face it; some of us would rather commune with trees than people. I know I would. If this sounds like you, not to worry. You won't even have to leave the comfort of your couch for this one.
Most county governments now have their department offices online. If you have an address from the specific area you're interested in, head to the online assessor's office. More than likely, they have a search tool that will bring up relevant tax information for that property. This will allow you to search surrounding properties, providing names, addresses, and property values of the surrounding parcels. Don't expect a real estate agent to do this for work for you with total objectivity. His ultimate goal is to sell you a piece of property, not give you reason to look elsewhere and potentially lose a sale. He's just trying to close the deal, but you want to know everything about the people you may be calling neighbors the rest of your life.
Sometimes the taxpayer's address is different from the property address, which tells you the landowner doesn't actually live there. That can be a very good thing depending on the level of privacy you're after. But it also means he could sell anytime, allowing a potentially bad neighbor to move in. If you find you like the property enough, you may want to consider buying out an absent owner.
You'll be able to view how long the taxpayer has owned the property and weather or not it's been improved for habitation. This last point can be an important one. If you find the taxpayer is living on unimproved land, it means he may be on raw land with no septic system. This was case with a few of my neighbors. Let's just say I was glad I didn't live downstream from any of them. I found that neighbors who will bypass this basic improvement are generally inconsiderate of others, and you should avoid moving near them at all cost.
Having the names of these property owners will allow you to do further detective work, if you're so inclined. It seems everyone knows everyone (or at least knows someone who does) in small towns. Discreetly dropping a name here or there can render some pertinent information.
These steps can spare you the potential pitfalls of approaching neighbors on their own turf. Though often recommended in how-to literature, this technique is not always prudent in the country. For one thing, many homesteaders have cattle gates blocking entrance to their property. They are there to keep you out. Private Property, Keep Out, and No Hunting signs are commonly posted at property perimeters. Walk through them, and you run the risk of getting shot at. As a rural landowner myself, I find the prospect of a complete stranger showing up on my doorstep disconcerting at best, with or without a posted sign or locked gate.
Still, there's really no substitute for snooping around the actual area. Having a real estate agent give a cursory drive through is fine, but you want to dig deeper. Familiarize yourself with legal land descriptions, as rural folk don't always post addressees. Some internet sites now provide search functions that render satellite imagery and maps.
If you do find an opportunity to speak to a neighbor, just keep in mind you may not get the most candid answers. He may not want another neighbor, and who can blame him? People don't move to the country to suffer more human infestation than they did in the city. He might just give you erroneous information to discourage you from moving in next to him. It's really best to approach folks who are in a position to remain unbiased, and that usually means snooping around just outside the immediate neighborhood.
Your property sleuthing is not complete without visiting the location at various times of the day. What sort of activity do you notice at 6am? Will you awaken to the sound of a neighbor racing through your easement on an ATV, stirring up whirlwinds of dust as he gleefully litters your pasture with beer cans? Chances are, the neighbors in this locale have turned a blind eye to this character, in essence giving him their stamp of approval. If you find this sort of behavior objectionable, find a micro-culture where neighbors won't tolerate it.
So you've thoroughly checked out your potential neighbors and all meets with your approval? Don't forget to ask the seller if he's had any neighbor problems before closing on your deal. Opinions of what constitutes a nuisance can vary greatly, so be specific regarding what you find personally objectionable. If he's hesitant to address your questions, you still have time to back out. Fortunately, some states now require sellers to disclose neighbor issues. Regardless, you can always include this question as an addendum in the disclosure form if it isn't included already.
Let my mistake be a lesson for anyone considering purchasing rural property. Don't assume that because you don't see or hear neighbors, they're not out there, or that they won't become a headache after you move in. The prevailing micro-culture, more than anything, will determine what sort of nuisance activity is tolerated. Take your time and don't rush things, because nothing can destroy your rural experience like a bad neighbor.
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